Small steps foward
Today... felt like two steps forward, one step back.


I managed to do some hands on time improving a prototype; which actually had a few small BKE things - where seeing something made me think something made me see a potentially better way to do it. So, I guess I should consider that progress. In a way it's almost frustrating, because it has that "tip of my tongue" sort of feeling right now. I think I need to sleep on it and see what happens. The interesting part of this to me, is that until I started typing about my results for today - I didn't actually realize I had experienced BKEs or articulated (even in my head) why the steps forward I'd taken left me feeling dissatisfied... I guess thats why I need to write things out! :-)


Conversely, I went to do the 'requesting' work today, and got a lot of psychological push back that "this isn't really something I need to be interested in, after all, it only really impacts your team"; which isn't exactly uplifting and motivating. *wry grin* However, on the opposite end of the spectrum, two different people actually wanted to deep dive into the functionality of the system as it is today, so I think they'll have a much better space from which to provide feedback at a later time.


Did bring the book home (one of them) last night to read, but didn't get there at all. I guess that one will take a bit more focus, or maybe a bit more time. That particular piece may be more of a weekend thing, because then it doesn't feel like an extension of my work day...Have to think on that some more.

Re-designing my goal
Back through the workbook again. Noticed that my goal is more confusing than enlightening. So, spent some time re-phrasing it. Current version looks like: "I want to provide my team the coaching, as well as the supportive atmosphere,Skills, training and idea test bed that they need to find a new solution for how to more efficiently record tests and test products in our existing environment."


With that more clear statement and more reading, I ended up doing some "small" things today that already look like they will pay off. I marked each day of the 14 day period in my calendar with a Reminder first thing to pop up and tell me where I am in the time line, and with a mini inspirational message. Also booked out 1.5 hours of each work day so that I should have the time to focus totally on what I need to do. Asked two individual developers to provide feedback (positive and negative) on the current system. They were actually excited by the idea of getting to help provide direction and input, and apparently both of them already have ideas. :-)


Also looks like I've some reading to do. I've two of the books I need to review here at work, so I just need to take them home and give them some time to see if they percolate anything upwards. Have plenty of suggestions and ideas I can use to move forward, so this has a lot more potential than it did even 5 hours ago. :-)


Lastly, the change i decided to make in myself a few weeks ago, trying to incorporate more "blue" behaviour and "laser-like focus" on a single item at a time seems to be working. I'm tired by the end of each day, but I'm getting just SO much more done than I'd have ever expected to be able to do. It's hard work, but no one said progress against large items would be a total snap. It seems to be all about breaking it down for me. If I can wrap my head around a small bite sized chunk, then I can totally make headway. It's only when I get overwhelmed with the scale of things that I just seem to end up in paralysis...

Starting to Blog the Process
Todays I finally go to sit town and start reading my way through the Workbook. It was interesting feeling myself respond to the workbook. It was very cyclical. I'd get all excited by the content and the possibility of making the changes, and then I'd start to disassociate from the contents, get cynical and wonder if this was anything more than a "warm and fuzzy" where we all just end up feeling good about ourselves, but nothing has really changed.


Catching myself at that reaction made me stop and go back and re-read several sections. I have decided that there is NEVER any harm in trying something for 14 days, so why would I try and sabotage myself before I begin here? So, we'll see how I go with this and where it takes me, and THEN I can look back and see what I learned.

Confuzzled


Do you ever feel that you are missing the bigger picture? That you're looking at something, that in and of itself might have meaning; but you just know that there's more to it than you are getting; simply because you can't see the big picture?


That's the head space I'm in. Had a really long conversation with my boss today; and he managed to leave me in a strange place. I really wish I could see the bigger picture sometimes, but then I start to think that might be a bad idea; because I'd want to somehow feel or be responsible for it. I think I learned a bunch of 'pieces of information' but for the life of me, I have no idea how they fit into the over all scheme of things. (Assuming there is such a thing as an over-all scheme.)


However, the up-side is that it's a Friday; and by Monday maybe I'll have more perspective. In the meantime; I shall go to a pow wow. (Held by the local PCC campus.) On Monday I start my new class; and this session will be about painting with pastels; so I get to get as gloriously messy as possible. Also, I finally made it back to ballet, for the first time in weeks (nearly a month I think); and had a Fantastic class. The teacher was wonderful, I worked so hard my legs were totally useless for 24 hours; but I really felt like I had the opportunity to really play with it. There was only one place where I felt lost; and I was actually able to just let that go and have fun with the pieces that I could. What a wonderful experience to have. Now, if I can just get greedy and have more of that type of class! *g*

Belated Gratitude List


My belated gratitude list for the week:
- Friends (those wonderful people that IM / call / email / etc; and always are there for you)
- Peers (people that work on your level that are totally open to being there for you and sharing all that pain.)
- New Laptops (That hopefully won't cause me more eyestrain)
- Archives of pictures (That remind me of all the wonderful people / places / things I've seen and managed to snap a picture of)
- Furrballs (Mine or someone else's - what else has the same soothing effect as petting a pup or kit?)
- This blog (Even if no one reads it, the act of actually writing is such a helpful thing for me to organize my thoughts.)
- Coffee (No matter how dark and dreary the day, a cup of Joe will do wonders for the spirit)
- Curiosity (How else would I find new places to explore when I feel stifled somewhere else?)