Not the brightest lightbulb in the pack

This last sequence of arm damage has to be detailed to be believed. It’s even funnier if you consider the fact that I’m actually a dancer, who still regularly attends ballet class; as well as a runner who is rather fond of running the Nike campus. In theory, you would think this makes me a co-ordinated woman. You would envision me as someone who can be safely counted up on to accomplish her daily rounds without doing anything outlandishly physically damaging.


You’d be wrong.


Instead, we have a woman who ripped her right rotor cuff in college because of a modern dance performance where I had to pull myself along the stage by one arm (and couldn’t raise my elbow above the line of my body while doing this.) I refused to wear my sling and not do the performance, because after all, the show must go on. What’s a rotor cuff to the life of art? *g* I am a woman who has rather appallingly bad knees from years of gymnastics (to the point of repeated surgery on said knees as a teenager) and who still runs; more or less because I still can. I spend my quality cubicle time perched on a bright blue balance ball. Because spending time in chairs tends to make me perform contortions of strange shape and dimension heretofore gracefully ignored by civilized society. (As a rather small specimen of American, most chairs fit me like goldilocks sitting in the Papa Bear chair.) Only when you apply this kind of a background to my dance and exercise habits, could you perhaps explain the most recent spate of right arm damange. Then again… perhaps not.


I’ve been working quite hard to increase my pull up capacity; and somehow I over did it about a month ago. Subsequently, I have been having problems with the right shoulder, of the kind that would encourage normal people to visit a doctor. Being abnormal, I’m hoping if I just take it easy, the pain will go away. However, this has put a serious crimp in my work out plans. Apparently this bothered me enough to want to inflict a little ‘universal’ punishment on said arm. With my nice mangled shoulder, in the last two weeks I have managed to bounce of several (at least 5 that I can remember) door frames – while I have NOTHING in my hands. (For those that know me, this is even funnier – I always can be seen walking around with my nose in a book, mysteriously avoiding all the things in my way. Apparently only when I have nothing in my hands, can I become a unique specimen of blonde bumper car, subject to bouncing off all and sundry door frames.) To add to the list of complaints by my poor arm, I then proceeded to spend two days where it appeared that I was determined to bend every single finger on my right hand backwards, preferably at the last joint on the finger. Somewhere in all that practicing to be Gumby I managed to shred the top of every one of my fingers just below my nails. (For Halloween, I could probably have convinced people I’d been digging my way out of a grave or something!) This last weekend, I actually managed to shut a door on my right wrist. And then we get to Sunday, which is one of those memories that causes me to turn pink while laughing.


Sunday we discovered that the refrigerator was experiencing a small amount of water drippage. This would not be a huge deal other than the fact that the previous owners of the house apparently think that hard wood floors are a FABULOUS plan for a kitchen. So, a little bit of drippage gets a whole lot of attention.


Sunday night I could be found lying on the kitchen floor with my husband, peering into the deep darkness under the refrigerator. Contemplating three small drips of water, from three discrete locations. Now, as the smallest member of the house, it fell to me to find a way to push the improvised drip containers (previously known as cookie containers) under the hulking monolith that my fridge appears from the floor. Once my arm was under, all the way to the shoulder, then the fun can begin.


Have you ever noticed that in small spaces, it’s all about entire body orientation to squeeze through? The minute you change something un-related to the body part that is being squeezed, you change your entire relationship to the small space…. Well, that’s my experience, at least! : -) So, while under the fridge with my arm, I managed to move in a “wrong” way. The next thing I know, my arm is stuck under the refrigerator at the elbow. Not kinda stuck, not “maybe a little” stuck. Full on, “Oh my god, I’m never coming free; I need to start gnawing my arm off if I don’t want to spend the rest of my life under a refridgerator“ kind of stuck.
Eventually I managed to free my right arm from the hungry monster that pretends to store my food (while secretly aiming to consume my bones). As a memento of my tangle with the hungry beastie I have a beautiful bruise on my elbow topped with a nice fluffy foamy (kind of like a cool whip topper) set of scrapes. Not to mention, for some strange reason, my shoulder feels a tad bit pulled…


“Is that all?” you ask. No. Not a bit. In some small dark secret corner of my mind apparently I am compelled to explore the depths of pain. This morning, after waking up sore, bruised and wishing desperately for a long day trip to someone that makes pain go away (massage artist? Chiropractor? Miracle worker?), I decided to work out. And not just any wishy washy work out was going to do it for me. I needed action, adventure, fast paced… oh, and by the way, can I please screw up my right arm some more?


I needed Kenpo. This morning, me and my “I can’t lift my arm above my shoulder” right arm kicked, punched and whimpered my way into butt kicking Kenpo land. Oddly enough, I’m feeling quite sore at the moment.


What’cha think, do I need my head examined or what?

You have a choice...

A quote that passed my inbox that I really wanted to share.


Eight years ago, sitting alone in a cold house in the middle of a week-long ice storm, I spoke a sentence out loud: “You have a choice.” It wasn’t a sentence I remember ever hearing. I had been weakly, dimly hoping for the strength to change myself, the power to change my life, without making the hard choices that would support the vision I held for myself. I thought, mistakenly, that I could change my life without rocking the boat.


I had to learn how to listen and trust that quiet voice. I had to clear a wide, still space in me where possibility could take root and dreams could hatch. Hearing my inner voice above the din of shoulds and expectations is difficult, and when I do hear her, what she has to say is often scary. “You have to take the full leap. Halfway won’t work.”


My inner voice invariably speaks up for the riskier option, which requires that I turn my life over to uncertainty. I can't know the outcome. The strange thing is that ultimately, that is the choice that offers the most meaning and joy. Every time I’ve trusted that inner voice my life has expanded, my creativity flowed and I’ve received the tools and nourishment I needed for the next step.


Ironically, the most difficult roads that this voice has led me down have offered the lessons I needed most. I learned to love more deeply. And I learned trust --trust in myself and trust in something greater than myself.


In Celebration of Possibility,


Ann O'Shaughnessy

Happiness?


Today had a lot of thoughts to me about happiness and life. I guess it's because I'm trying to work out those little things that add up to a great mental state. Some hours, some whole days, sometimes for even longer, I have my hands on what it is to be really happy, but then it seems to slip away.


Why think about this today?
I was in a great mood the last two days, and even part of today. A good part of it has to deal with letting go of the situations that I am not allowed to improve. Then, while on a phone call with a recruiter, who was looking at my resume for project management roles; the only positions she was willing to talk about with me were QA positions. This is after asking me what I wanted to do and me saying I wanted to pursue formal project management (which was why I obtained my PMP certification), not just another role in "QA management who, oh by the way, has to baby-sit the big picture too". I didn't even quite twig to why this bothered me until I hung up the phone, which is when I realized that I wasn't as confident and happy as I had been the last week. Suddenly this person who doesn't know me except for a piece of paper in front of them is somehow eroding my confidence in myself. How odd. Even knowing that it's illogical, it's been an uphill battle to rebuild that confidence / comfort / happiness in me, and in knowing that I will attain a better position in a reasonable time frame.


So what did I do or find?
Well, I tried some standard things - looking at stuff that makes me laugh, etc; and while that helped detach me from the situation, it didn't ultimately change my mental state. Then I tripped over an article hosted by the Times Onlinewhere they talk about the actual science behind happiness. It's actually fascinating reading if you are up for the whole thing. Somehow that's what did the trick. The "ah hah" moment for me was realizing that "Of course I'm going to take it poorly - I think it actually reflects me and I'm hardwired to try and then be better than said poor reflection. How silly." Suddenly it was ok, I could completely let it go and know that it doesn't matter. I don't HAVE to let that set of events put me in a mental tailspin. Nor am I required to go to interviews / take a position just because the recruiter doesn't want to work with me for a fit that makes both of us happy. While empirically I know that their job is merely to place people so they get their retainer; I'm not actually convinced that they wouldn't be better served trying to get a truly great fit between employees and employers. As the research proves, happy people are more productive and help companies be more competitive, which would probably benefit EVERYBODY more long term. However, since we live in the world as it is, I'm perfectly capable of determining my own fate. :-) I just have to remember that.


Where does that leave me?
Just after the ah hah moment, I ran across this quote and it sums up the reminder that I guess we all need on a regular basis. Also, I think I'm going to revive my Tuesday Gratitude list for myself, because I DO have so much to be grateful for; and I'd hate to really deaden myself to the daily wonders I'm exposed to.


Didion's powerful commencement remarks at U.C. Riverside: "I'm not telling you to make the world better, because I don't think that progress is necessarily part of the package," she said. "I'm just telling you to live in it. Not just to endure it, not just to suffer it, not just to pass through it, but to live in it. To look at it. To try to get the picture. To live recklessly. To take chances. To make your own work and take pride in it. To seize the moment. And if you ask me why you should bother to do that, I could tell you that the grave's a fine and private place, but none I think do there embrace. Nor do they sing there, or write, or argue, or see the tidal bore on the Amazon, or touch their children. And that's what there is to do and get it while you can and good luck at it."

Talking Stones


I was looking for a photo that spoke to me today. Just something to post that called my name. Like most people who play with cameras, I have a LOT of photos to play with. *g* However, somehow, this photo did speak to me. Humorously enough, I even named it "Talking Stones" when I saved it into the archive of "not heinous and may be work looking at later" photos.


I'm not sure exactly what it says to me, nor if it is indeed the stones, or the weather in the photo or what. I remember vividly wandering around Milton Keynes, and loving these stones. Knowing perfectly well that this particular grouping was placed here by modern man; but still contemplating what our fore-bearers thought when they raised stones. How did they pick them? Was it the colour? The shape? The size? Or, like me, did they just look for one that "spoke to them"?


A quick search of Google give a a LOT of listings that reference talking stones. I think my favourite even turned out to be first. According to Talking stones dot Net, A 'Talking Stone' carries with it respect for free speech and assures the holder that he or she has the freedom and the power to say what is in their heart without fear of reprisal or humiliation.


A 'Talking Stone' is Wise and should be used with all the virtues; especially gentleness, humility, honesty, patience, tolerance, and kindness.


These powerful, yet fragile, 'Stones' may be used to teach the Art of Communication.




How funny that just the picture and the site go in a circle that is exactly where I think I need to be right now. In a safe place where thoughts can be shared and explored. Maybe all the rocks are there for is to let us see ourselves reflected on them in such a way as to deepen our connection. Maybe they're just pretty. Either way, may your path through the stones be as personally insightful as mine was.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!, Oh, and apparently I'm in a quote mood...

Once again, I have lots of quotes on the brain, and not a whole lot else. I suppose for a Halloween evening, it's good to have quotes and candy, and man do I have both set up and ready to go. :-) Hope you have fun with the sweets and don't forget to indulge in the occasional trick as well.


and now, on to the quotes


"The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless and free your actions will be." - Katherine Mansfield


"Go for it now. The future is promised to no one." - Wayne Dyer


"Energy is the essence of life. Every day you decide how you're going to use it by knowing what you want and what it takes to reach that goal, and by maintaining focus." - Oprah Winfrey


"It doesn't matter where you are coming from. All that matters is where you are going." - Bryan Tracy


"Nobody has ever measured, even poets,
how much a heart can hold." - Zella Fitzgerald


"The greatest thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


Oh!!! Wait! You HAVE to see this!
I found this while contemplating the fun that is Halloween, and it made me nearly snort coffee out my nose. Have fun with this!






And, not content with doing myself; I did Obie as well... and this is fabulous. :-)