Happiness?


Today had a lot of thoughts to me about happiness and life. I guess it's because I'm trying to work out those little things that add up to a great mental state. Some hours, some whole days, sometimes for even longer, I have my hands on what it is to be really happy, but then it seems to slip away.


Why think about this today?
I was in a great mood the last two days, and even part of today. A good part of it has to deal with letting go of the situations that I am not allowed to improve. Then, while on a phone call with a recruiter, who was looking at my resume for project management roles; the only positions she was willing to talk about with me were QA positions. This is after asking me what I wanted to do and me saying I wanted to pursue formal project management (which was why I obtained my PMP certification), not just another role in "QA management who, oh by the way, has to baby-sit the big picture too". I didn't even quite twig to why this bothered me until I hung up the phone, which is when I realized that I wasn't as confident and happy as I had been the last week. Suddenly this person who doesn't know me except for a piece of paper in front of them is somehow eroding my confidence in myself. How odd. Even knowing that it's illogical, it's been an uphill battle to rebuild that confidence / comfort / happiness in me, and in knowing that I will attain a better position in a reasonable time frame.


So what did I do or find?
Well, I tried some standard things - looking at stuff that makes me laugh, etc; and while that helped detach me from the situation, it didn't ultimately change my mental state. Then I tripped over an article hosted by the Times Onlinewhere they talk about the actual science behind happiness. It's actually fascinating reading if you are up for the whole thing. Somehow that's what did the trick. The "ah hah" moment for me was realizing that "Of course I'm going to take it poorly - I think it actually reflects me and I'm hardwired to try and then be better than said poor reflection. How silly." Suddenly it was ok, I could completely let it go and know that it doesn't matter. I don't HAVE to let that set of events put me in a mental tailspin. Nor am I required to go to interviews / take a position just because the recruiter doesn't want to work with me for a fit that makes both of us happy. While empirically I know that their job is merely to place people so they get their retainer; I'm not actually convinced that they wouldn't be better served trying to get a truly great fit between employees and employers. As the research proves, happy people are more productive and help companies be more competitive, which would probably benefit EVERYBODY more long term. However, since we live in the world as it is, I'm perfectly capable of determining my own fate. :-) I just have to remember that.


Where does that leave me?
Just after the ah hah moment, I ran across this quote and it sums up the reminder that I guess we all need on a regular basis. Also, I think I'm going to revive my Tuesday Gratitude list for myself, because I DO have so much to be grateful for; and I'd hate to really deaden myself to the daily wonders I'm exposed to.


Didion's powerful commencement remarks at U.C. Riverside: "I'm not telling you to make the world better, because I don't think that progress is necessarily part of the package," she said. "I'm just telling you to live in it. Not just to endure it, not just to suffer it, not just to pass through it, but to live in it. To look at it. To try to get the picture. To live recklessly. To take chances. To make your own work and take pride in it. To seize the moment. And if you ask me why you should bother to do that, I could tell you that the grave's a fine and private place, but none I think do there embrace. Nor do they sing there, or write, or argue, or see the tidal bore on the Amazon, or touch their children. And that's what there is to do and get it while you can and good luck at it."

Talking Stones


I was looking for a photo that spoke to me today. Just something to post that called my name. Like most people who play with cameras, I have a LOT of photos to play with. *g* However, somehow, this photo did speak to me. Humorously enough, I even named it "Talking Stones" when I saved it into the archive of "not heinous and may be work looking at later" photos.


I'm not sure exactly what it says to me, nor if it is indeed the stones, or the weather in the photo or what. I remember vividly wandering around Milton Keynes, and loving these stones. Knowing perfectly well that this particular grouping was placed here by modern man; but still contemplating what our fore-bearers thought when they raised stones. How did they pick them? Was it the colour? The shape? The size? Or, like me, did they just look for one that "spoke to them"?


A quick search of Google give a a LOT of listings that reference talking stones. I think my favourite even turned out to be first. According to Talking stones dot Net, A 'Talking Stone' carries with it respect for free speech and assures the holder that he or she has the freedom and the power to say what is in their heart without fear of reprisal or humiliation.


A 'Talking Stone' is Wise and should be used with all the virtues; especially gentleness, humility, honesty, patience, tolerance, and kindness.


These powerful, yet fragile, 'Stones' may be used to teach the Art of Communication.




How funny that just the picture and the site go in a circle that is exactly where I think I need to be right now. In a safe place where thoughts can be shared and explored. Maybe all the rocks are there for is to let us see ourselves reflected on them in such a way as to deepen our connection. Maybe they're just pretty. Either way, may your path through the stones be as personally insightful as mine was.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!, Oh, and apparently I'm in a quote mood...

Once again, I have lots of quotes on the brain, and not a whole lot else. I suppose for a Halloween evening, it's good to have quotes and candy, and man do I have both set up and ready to go. :-) Hope you have fun with the sweets and don't forget to indulge in the occasional trick as well.


and now, on to the quotes


"The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless and free your actions will be." - Katherine Mansfield


"Go for it now. The future is promised to no one." - Wayne Dyer


"Energy is the essence of life. Every day you decide how you're going to use it by knowing what you want and what it takes to reach that goal, and by maintaining focus." - Oprah Winfrey


"It doesn't matter where you are coming from. All that matters is where you are going." - Bryan Tracy


"Nobody has ever measured, even poets,
how much a heart can hold." - Zella Fitzgerald


"The greatest thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


Oh!!! Wait! You HAVE to see this!
I found this while contemplating the fun that is Halloween, and it made me nearly snort coffee out my nose. Have fun with this!






And, not content with doing myself; I did Obie as well... and this is fabulous. :-)

Stepping Out

Have you ever noticed that once you finally bite the bullet and make a decision, it seems like the universe tries to give you instant feedback on that decision? I did that rather recently (made a decision); and today found out that I'm not the only one who has made it. And when I went to go find positions to apply to, it was ridiculously fruitful (in terms of positions to apply to); which makes no sense in the fourth quarter. This is the quarter where traditionally there are few job postings; and everyone is just trying to hold on until the new year (and Q1) when they can open up and start hiring. Apparently not this year. So, while I'm scared to be in this exposed position; nervous about moving on, and trying to avoid falling out of balance with the here and now, I have that thrill of anticipation to find where I will be when the fog burns off.


Some more quotes for thought
The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn; the bird waits in the egg; and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities." - James Allen


"Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin


"Success is the maximum utilization of the ability that you have." - Zig Ziglar


"Any man's life will be filled with constant and unexpected encouragement if he makes up his mind to do his level best each day." - Booker T. Washington

10 Things I loved to do before the age of 10.

This list just appeals to me as something to put a smile on my face. May you find some of my kidlike behaviour just as amusing.


1. Make "milkshakes" where I'd fill up an old 4 oz shrimp cocktail glass with 2 oz of Nestle Quick powder; and add 2 oz milk and stir to a paste.


2. Draw anything and everything. I would use any material that would leave a mark; on any substance that would take one. I was often a very "colourful" child. :-)


3. Watch Transformers, Voltron, Thundercats and GI Joe. I STILL love transformers; but generally won't admit it in public! (I'm thrilled that they're suddenly back in vogue!)


4. Play at Thundercats. I didn't care which role my friends picked; I REALLY wanted to be Cheetarah; and had a big staff that I would run around trying desperately hard to twirl. I was convinced I would be able to run as fast as she could, if I just practiced a lot. I got places really quickly for a few years.


5. Read just about anything. I LOVED books; they were an avenue of escape where my vivid imagination could run rampant; and I could take ideas from my stories and try and convince my friends to play them out with me.


6. ReName people and things. A lot of the things I read had smatterings of other languages in them; and I was fascinated by how names were so close, but so different in other languages (even if the relationship was only in my head!) In turn, that meant if I'd seen a 'variation' of your name in a book; you got renamed by me, and it apparently was permanent. To this day, I can't remember the "real" names of some of my playmates; but I remember what I RENAMED them. *blush*


7. Make up plays about my secret life as a wild thing. I didn't do the princess route so much; but I spent years vividly defining how my life as a... mustang, cougar, mermaid, air sprite, fairy, wolf, etc would be.


8. Climb trees. Scare people; and try to only fall out into HUGE piles of leaves. I was a great tree climber; and often ended up at the top of the tree; usually around the 3rd floor of buildings; which is apparently disconcerting to the neighbours. :-) And in autumn, I'd dragoon all my friends into dragging ALL the leaves we could find in the ENTIRE neighbourhood into one GINORMOUS pile; and then we'd climb into the bottom branches of the tree we had placed the pile next to, and try and fall into the leaves. :-) Sometimes we missed a bit, and that might explain a few things about me!


9. Try and make the swing flip over the bar. I seem to remember seeing some poor small child get too much of a push from their parents; and the swing literally went all the way around (360 degrees) and got hung up that little bit higher. I was OBSESSED with trying to pump so hard that I'd get to fly around the bar. When I couldn't make that happen for years, I decided the next best thing was to learn how to fly up as far as I could go, and at the height I got, flip out of the swing backwards, and try and land on my feet.


10. Sledding. We had winter where I grew up; and winter in my mind means snow. Lots of glorious snow. And the best was when school was closed; we'd go down to the big hill by the house, and I had a thin red plastic rectangle sled; and MAN was it fast. Once I actually got it going so fast down the hill; and I hit the snow bank we'd made, shot over it; and flew across the creek. I actually embedded the sled into the bank on the far side of the creek; and was so worried I was going to fall into the creek and get all wet and get in trouble. Instead I climbed out, up the bank; and had to get some adults to come down and help me pull the sled out of the creek bank. But I still got hot cocoa when I got home, even after all that adventure. :-)